Rabbis / Officiants
Rabbi Amichai Lau-Lavi: While there is no halachic requirement for an ordained rabbi or cantor to be leading a wedding ceremony, this has become the norm in most Jewish communities since the 12th century. This is especially the case when new forms of rituals are considered, assuring that the appropriate consideration is given to nuanced changes and halachic details. The Talmudic source for this obligation can be found in BT Kiddushin 6.
| אמר רב יהודה אמר שמואל: כל שאינו יודע בטיב גיטין וקידושין לא יהא לו עסק עמהם | Rav Yehuda says that Shmuel says: Anyone who does not know the nature of bills of divorce and betrothals should have no dealings in them |
At this point in time, nearly all rabbis from the Conservative, Reform, Reconstructionist, and Renewal movements will officiate at a same-sex wedding. While the Orthodox community by and large does not sanction same-sex weddings, a few Orthodox rabbis and rabbis with Orthodox ordination will. If that is important to you or to your family, a few have publicly announced their willingness to officiate and may be good resources.
A number of rabbis from different denominations have told Kol Sasson that they are also willing to be resources to couples as they navigate this process. Until that list is published here, please contact us.
E&R: We spent some time with a rabbi who did friends’ ceremonies, someone who is Orthodox enough for us but would talk to us (so orthodox in fact that he wouldn’t agree to actually perform parts of the ceremony that were ceremonial, though he did attend and speak). And we talked (and argued 🙂 lots about it. We met very seriously with both the rabbi, and then the person who actually did the ceremony, Michael. Michael is a friend of my parents and a sort of unofficial community leader, and someone who we decided would be the right “figurehead” for the ceremony. Turns out there isn’t a rabbi who would actually do the ceremony, but is orthodox enough for us, so we went with Michael.
Lara & Lauren: Having a queer, female rabbi as our officiant was profoundly helpful in navigating the ceremony, as we were able to borrow heavily from her own wedding.
Vendors
Some couples have had issues with kosher caterers or bands being unwilling to work at same-sex weddings. This section will be fleshed out with advice about approaching vendors, and may include a whitelist for Jewish vendors (kosher caterers, wedding bands, etc.) who will serve same-sex weddings. Please contact us with your experiences.
Further reading
Wedding basics
- Anita Diamant, The Jewish Wedding Now – a primer to understand all the traditional pieces of the Jewish wedding
- A Practical Wedding – “To help with all the organizing/planning/thinking about the full day, party, etc. It helped us narrow down what was important to us in the wedding.” – Lara & Lauren
Analysis of same-sex weddings
- Rabbi Steven Greenberg, Contemplating a Jewish ritual of same-sex union: An inquiry into the meanings of marriage, in Authorizing Marriage?: Canon, Tradition, and Critique in the Blessing of Same-Sex Unions, 2006
- Rabbi Amichai Lau-Lavie, A Canopy of Bridegrooms: Talmudic Sources for a Jewish Gay Wedding, 2012
- Rabbi Eyal Levinson, A Covenant of Same-Sex Nisu’in and Kiddushin, 2001
- Rabbi Eyal Levinson, Same‐Sex Kidushin v‐Nisu’in, Philadelphia: Aleph Alliance for Jewish Renewal, 2004
- Rabbi Dr. Haviva Ner-David, How Gay Weddings May Influence Straight Weddings (pre-2012)
- Rabbi Jane Kanarek, Marriage Ritual
- Rabbi Tracee L. Rosen, Including Sheva Berachot in Commitment Ceremonies, 2012
- Rabbi Aaron Alexander, Rituals and documents of marriage and divorce for same-sex couples, Concurring Opinion, 2012
On creating innovative rituals
- Dr. Debra Reed Blank, Reflections Upon Creating Innovative, Jewish Life-Cycle Ritual
Complete ceremonies and texts
Rabbinic proposals
- Rabbi Ayelet Cohen and Rabbi Marc Margolius, A Few Words on the Language of Kiddushin
- Congregation Beit Simchat Torah, Transforming ביתך: A Guide to Creating LGBTQ Ritual, Spiritual, and Pastoral Homes
- Rabbis Elliot Dorff, Daniel Nevins and Avram Reisner, Rituals and Documents of Marriage and Divorce for Same-Sex Couples, 2012 (Conservative Movement’s Committee on Jewish Law and Standards)
- Rabbi Jill Jacobs and Guy Austrian, The Choices of Marriage: One Couple’s Attempt to Create an Egalitarian Jewish Wedding Ceremony within the Traditional Framework of Kiddushin, 2012
- Rabbi Jeremy Kalmanofsky and Rabbi Gordon Tucker, Wedding Ceremony for Two Men
- Rabbi Stuart Kelman, Covenant of Love – ברית רעות, 1997
- Rabbi Elliot Kukla, Trans/Gender Queer Jewish Wedding Service, 2006
- Rabbi Dan Shevitz, Ceremonies for the Commitment and Dissolution of Same Sex Unions (pre-2012)
Couples’ ceremonies
more to come